The Power of the Derp Side
by Nemrith
Summary: Alt ending to S2E2 where Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo saves the day
1. Part 1: Ponyville in Disarray

Part 1: Ponyville in Disarray

Oh my! The Heroes of Harmony have been defeated! With no one left to oppose him, Discord has the full run of Equestria! It would seem our dear home Equestria is to be the home of chaos, and ponies are starting to leave. Who will stand up to this new overlord? Who has the power? Who has the determination?

" Mommy, It's dangerous to go out, I hear that he changes ponies into animals when they leave after dark..." Dinky said to her mother.

" Dinky, I'll be alright. I'm a mail mare after all, and no matter what, the mail gets delivered." Derpy Hooves stated confidently, her mailbag sitting across her flank.

" I worry when you go out, the furniture starts acting funny and the things wont stay where I put them..." Dinky said, working on drawing a picture, since school had been canceled indefinitely.

" I'll try to hurry my darling Dinky. These letters are important, ponies telling their families where they're going and how to find them!" Ditzy said, opening the door and exiting it.

The entirety of Equestria was in constant flux with the exception for a small area around Ditzy Doo at any given time. Towns and trees would pop in and out of existence, sometimes changing altogether when they reappeared. Night and day were now more inconsistent than the pudding somepony would have made yesterday.

" Twilight Sparkle, I have mail from your family! Where are you, did you leave already?" Derpy Hooves said, knocking on the door when she couldn't find the mail box.

The Library was empty, not only of Twilight Sparkle and her Trusty assistant Spike, but also of the books it had once housed. It seemed to Ditzy that Twilight Sparkle wasn't going to be the only Pony not getting her mail today. After leaving the library, she tried the homes of some of Twilight's friends in the hope that one of them would know where she'd gone. But Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity were nowhere to be found either. It was at last, at Sweet Apple Acres that Ditzy finally found Applejack.

" It seems that most Ponies figure on stayin' around now that discord has the run of the town, and the elements have failed." Applejack said, her snout bunching up and her eyes darting back and forth.

" Applejack, didn't you used to be Orange? Now you're almost as gray as I am!" Ditzy Doo observed, with an astonished hop.

" Nope, I've always been this way, I don't know what you're talkin' about." Applejack said, her face making that disturbing shape again.

" Do you know where I can find one Twilight Sparkle? If I can't deliver this mail to her I have to read it!" Ditzy said frustratedly.

" Why do you have to read it? I don't know where Twilight is!" Applejack said, her face still scrunched up.

" You know if you keep doing that, your face is going to stick that way... And I have to read it because it says I do! See? Written right under Twilight's name, _and if this letter cannot find Twilight Sparkle, the mail mare known as Ditzy Doo must read this letter in her stead_."Ditzy Doo said, reading out the small text crammed between the name and the address line.

" Well, nope can't help you, I've got more important things to do, like buck apples! And find new friends." Applejack said, wandering off, her face finally relaxing.

Ditzy Doo sighed, it looked as though she'd have to read the letter after all. And with her wandering eyes, that was no easy feat to do! She delivered the rest of the mail, and returned home where she could use her magical reading glasses to read the letter as it was meant to be read. As she opened the door to her home something other than the usual disorder struck her as off. The lights we're rearranged, and some things simply didn't make sense, but her pride and joy, Dinky, was nowhere to be found. The one thing that shouldn't have moved or changed, should've been Dinky, but where was she?

" Dinky, I'm home! I hope I wasn't out too long, did the bookcase try to alphabetize you again?" Ditzy called out, growing anxious when only silence answered her.

" Dinky dear, mama's going to bake some tasty muffins! You want to stop playing hide and go seek so you can try some?" Ditzy called again, this time searching Dinky's usual hideouts, under the sink, behind the couch, and on the ceiling.

" By the muffins!" She said, seeing a message scrawled on the ceiling of her home.

For the duration of the message, Ditzy Doo was startled into seeing correctly. She was able to read the contents aloud to herself, committing them to memory. _Dear Ditzy Doo Mail Mare extrordinare, I have kidnapped your daughter Dinky Doo. She was far too orderly to keep around in Ponyville, so I've decided to modify her so she can stay with you my wayward subject. P.S. stop delivering mail to the right ponies, it's much more interesting when you deliver it to the wrong pony and watch the fun ensue!_ _Signed, Yours Truly, Discordious 'Discord' Q. McMayhem._

Reader's Note: My first stab at having Ditzy/Derpy as the main character. And also one of my few attempts to completely dodge Grim Dark tales. No one maimed or killed yet. At least. Reviews as always are welcome, I'm not some sort of evil Grinch that's going to hunt you down and gut you like a fish.


	2. Part 2: The Seventh Element

Ditzy gasped in dismay as the full reality of the situation sunk into her awareness. Discord had kidnapped her only daughter. Discord had snatched Dinky right out of Ditzy's house. Did he take anything else? What wouldn't he take if he'd take Dinky?

" I need a muffin..." Ditzy said, opening the fridge.

" ARGGGGHHH" She screamed, when the fridge light turned on to reveal a solitary milk container, and no. Muffins.

After she slammed the door on the refrigerator a letter fell from her mail mare sack. The letter she'd come home to read. The letter addressed to the leader of the Heroes of Harmony, and then Ditzy Doo.

" Perhaps there's something in this letter that can help me get my Dinky back?" Ditzy said, opening the letter with a swift swipe of her letter opener, which promptly embedded itself in the wall when it slipped out of her hooves

The words on the paper swirled and cluttered together, all mismatched and non-sensical.

" That's right, I should get my glasses first." Ditzy said, snapping her hoof, which knocked the glasses off from their perch on the fridge and neatly onto her head. " Much better."

_Twilight, if you're reading this, the six elements of harmony have failed, and Discord has already taken over Ponyville if not all of Equestria by now. There's something I haven't told you my dear student. Something not even included in your most accurate of historical books. There was another Element of Harmony. I had thought that six would be enough, after all, it worked before. Since the first six Elements of Harmony failed to send discord back to his life as a garden statue, you must use the 7__th__ Element of Harmony. This Element is Muffins, and it's embodied by my dear friend Ditzy Doo. Only she can unlock its full potential and send Discord back to his life as a statue in my garden._

" This is preposterous, mocking my love of muffins with this, this muffinery! I mean that's ridiculous! Muffins as an Element of Harmony, what kind of backwards Unicorn logic is that? My muffins, psh, preposterous, muffins? Muffins and element of harmony, my delicious, nutritious muffins." Ditzy said, getting more and more distracted by each succeeding mention of muffins.

" There's only one thing that can settle me down after reading a letter like that..." Ditzy said, rummaging around in her mail mare bag, hoping that this time, she'd selected the correct side of the satchel. Ditzy's mail mare pouch was different from other Mail Mare satchels, it had a secret compartment filled with Muffins, and now that all her fresh baked goods at home had been looted by the nefarious Discord, she sought solace with any that might remain within her Mail Mare bag, customized at her request by Sweetie Belle, who'd had a better knack for reasonable customization than her older sister Rarity.

There was a muffin left, she pulled it out and began chewing it over. While thinking intently upon the contents of the letter, what could muffins do that all the other Elements of Harmony could not? She swallowed the muffin she had been eating... _That's it!_ She thought.

_The other Elements of Harmony could attack from the outside, put perhaps, Discord had to be attacked with the Elements of Harmony from the inside. I just need some muffins empowered with the Elements of Harmony to complete the plan._ Ditzy Doo thought to herself, idly reaching into the bag for another muffin, and finding none.

" Where am I supposed to get more muffins when I have nothing to bake them with?" Ditzy Doo exclaimed, well aware that the Ponyville she'd known before now was radically changing around her, just outside of her sphere of influence.

_Pinkie Pie_. The thought occurred to her. Her good friend Pinkie Pie was living over a bakery, it stood to reason, that she might have some muffins. Ditzy Doo took up her satchel from the peg by the door and left for Pinkies home. On the way there she saw many strange things, even a flying Unicorn with eyes similar to hers, with a screw in a ball on her flank. The land floated, the sky darkened where it should be bright and it brightened where it should've been darkest. The few Pegasi still assigned to weather control were working desperately to mediate the damage caused by the unexpected storms and chocolate rain.

" Pinkie, Hello? Are you here?" Ditzy asked, nudging open the door to the darkened bakery.

" Is that you Ditzy Doo? Are you here to laugh at me too?" Pinkie said from the darkness.

_I don't like it when Dark Pinkie comes out, it looks like I'll have to talk her down._ Ditzy thought to herself before speaking up, " Pinkie, why would I laugh at you? You were always the one keeping people from laughing at me! I know the elements didn't work out too well for you and your friends, but Discord stole my muffins... and I don't have any..."

" Muffins eh? That's no laughing matter alright, Ok, I'll make you some muffins. At least you didn't say Cupcakes... Oh god how they loved to laugh at the cupcakes, at me." Pinkie said grimly, her tone turning temporarily darker as she turned up the lights to see her baking.

" Do you need help? I need these muffins something fierce, Dinky went missing." Ditzy said walking over to the kitchen to continue talking to Pinkie Pie at a reasonable volume.

" Usually I have Applejacks help, but she's gone crazy. Like lying crazy. When I asked her what she was laughing at, she said Chocolate Milk, but it wasn't raining... Sure get me the flour, what kind of muffins do you want?" Pinkie said, reminiscing back to better days, more normal days.

" Honey and chili peppers." Ditzy said instantly, having thought of the most arbitrary chaotic flavor combination possible.

" Iiinteresting, that's not what you usually get. You said Ditzy went missing, with this combination, I can guess who, and my twitchy tail says it's Discord, or I'm a unicorn." Pinkie said adding the other ingredients and tossing Ditzy a spoon to mix with.

" You can tell just from that?" She asked.

" You remind me of my sisters before I saw those rainbows, so bland and boring. Don't get me wrong it's sort of sweet, and your attachment to muffins... Golly I dunno, it seems out of character for you to order something with so much flavor, much less that sort of contrast." Pinkie said, some of her color returning.

" You read me like one of your recipes. Yes, Discord stole Dinky, and Twilight's missing as are the books from the library. I have to stop him, somehow. I'd ask for your help, but I wouldn't want to let you down. Being a Heropony of Harmony and not being able to stop him would be enough disappointment for anypony I think." Ditzy said, sighing in frustration, mixing the ingredients as Pinkie added them, dry and wet alike.

" I'm feeling better since talking to you Ditzy, maybe I'll talk to the others. Whoever I can find at least, and give it another shot. After all, if Discord is abducting Fillies... Maybe the chocolate rain isn't worth it. I can't say for sure about the cotton candy clouds, but the chocolate rain is definitely not worth it!" Pinkie stated fiercely.

Reader's Note: After the end of my last chapter/part post, someone asked if that was Discord's 'real' name, I don't know, he's just referred to as 'Discord' in Canon, but it seems appropriate for him to have two names to me. The middle initial is just a blatant throw-back to Star Trek and De Lancie's(Voice Actor) work as Q in it. Consider it my little contribution to Fanon. I would look up BaldDumboRat on Youtube( If I were you my dear readers). She does a fan voice for Derpy/Ditzy, and I almost always read Derpy/Ditzy's lines in her voice in my head. Additionally I couldn't help but laugh when watching one of her newest sets, where she said it was too bad that Muffins weren't an Element of Harmony, right after I'd written this section and started this story.


	3. Part 3: Muffin, My Muffin

Ditzy Doo left Sugar Cube Corner with her freshly baked Chaos Muffins and made her way to the throne that Discord had erected in the center of Ponyville. She was well aware that as she got closer to the center of town, her personal bubble of harmony began to contract, shrinking under the increase pressure of Discord's aura.

" These muffins of yours are simply to die for Ditzy my darling." Discord said, causing Ditzy Doo to stop abruptly, her snout wrinkling with the lie she was about to tell.

" I'm glad you're enjoying the fruits of my fridge, and in thanks for correcting my wayward daughter, I brought you some more muffins." _These muffins, given freely should embody Generosity, Kindness, and Loyalty._ Ditzy thought to herself as she opened the box of unique muffins she and Pinkie had finished baking only minutes ago.

" Ooh, a new flavor, this isn't like you at all Ditzy Doo, why the change of heart?" Discord said leaning forward on his throne suspiciously.

" Mommy, help! He wants to make me into a crazy pony like Screwball!" Dinky said from a semi-opaque bubble that floated out from behind the throne, as directed by Discord.

" Wouldn't be much more interesting if Screwball had a friend to play with? In this new discordant Ponyville we certainly won't need boring fillies like her cluttering up the place." Discord said mischeviously, munching on the new muffins, a look of deep pleasure crossing his face after the first bite.

" You know me too well, Ditzy, Hot peppers and honey? It plays right into my field, doesn't it?" Discord said happily.

" You know Discord, the original six elements of harmony might not have been able to beat you, but it certainly seems that the seventh has a chance." Ditzy said mischeviously, spreading her wings and taking a muffin in each hoof.

" What seventh element? There were more than 6 elements of harmony? Pah, you're just making that up." Discord said uninterestedly.

" The power of... MUFFINS!" Dizty said laughing crazily, stuffing the muffins into Discords mouth before flying out of range of his reaching talons.

" Mommy no! Don't go full muffins! You can't come back from that!" Dinky said worriedly from her bubble which bobbed gently when she jumped forward and tried to puncture it with her horn.

" This is the power of the seventh element, capable of representing all of the elements of harmony. Muffins are simple things Discord, they're honest in flavor, something to laugh about in their variety, and magically delicious. When I gave you my muffins willingly, the other three elements entered your body and are no doubt this very moment working on you from the inside out!" Ditzy shouted triumphantly, bringing forth a large muffin launcher from her mail mare bag.

" It can't be! I don't want to be a statue again!" Discord said in disbelief, feeling the truth emanating from his gut.

" Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem." Ditzy said, carefully sighting the muffin launcher at discords face.

" Discord didn't lose to six ponies, and he'll not lose to the likes of you Ditzy Doo!" Discord said, concentrating all of his power on blocking the muffin about to be launched at him. He put so much power into it that the bubble around Dinky popped, releasing her to the ground where she promptly got up and started running to her mother.

" Mommy! Nooooo!" Dinky cried running towards Ditzy Doo.

" MUFFIN POWERRRRrrrr!" Ditzy shouted firing an enormous muffin directly at Discord.

Discord, despite putting his best foot forward, could not stop the muffin. Because the elements within him, weakened his omnipotency and had nullified for the large part most of his powers. The muffin crashed into his face exploding and dazing him. His effort to block the muffin had allowed Ponyville and the surrounding area to revert to their pre-Discord state. Ditzy let herself touch down, collapsing to a sitting position in exhaustion. Dinky sat next to her, comforted by the wing that her mother extended protectively over her.

" And that's how you beat a super-villain Dinky." Ditzy said confidently, her eyes losing their determined focus and slipping back to their normal state.

" Mommy, are you going to be okay?" Dinky said worriedly.

" Mommy will be fine Dinky, I just need some time to rest." Ditzy Doo said.

" Never fear! The Elements of Harmony are here!" Twilight Sparkle said, entering the center of town with the rest of the Heroes of Harmony.

" Ditzy! Ditzy! Twilight figured out how to change us back after you left!" Pinkie said energetically, bouncing up and down.

" That's nice, Pinkie." Ditzy said sleepily.

" That was a dirty trick you played back in the maze Discord! Prepare to feel the power of Friendship!" Twilight Sparkle said confidently, to the dazed and confused Discord, who was surrounded by the remains of the muffins that Ditzy had brought and the one she'd fired at him.

" Twilight Sparkle, it would seem our roles are reversed, but as you can see. I no longer have an interest in turning Equestria into my fiefdom, I have restored your land to the way it was before, and now only ask to be on my way to travel to far away lands." Discord stated while straightening himself up, bluffing that what had just happened was his intention.

" You liar! My Mommy just single-handedly beat you at your own game! The truth is that your powers are either gone entirely or weakened so much that you're not a threat anymore!" Dinky said, springing out from under Ditzy Doo's wing.

" That's silly Dinky, Ditzy Doo can't even figure out which way to go to find the southern birds, much less take on Discord." Rainbow Dash chided the proud little Unicorn.

" She did too! With the seventh element, Muffins!" Dinky shouted back at Rainbow Dash.

" Ditzy did say something about having to stop Discord before leaving Sugar Cube Corner." Pinkie chipped in.

" If the seventh element is Muffins, how come it isn't in my book on the Elements of Harmony?" Twilight asked confidently.

" Muffin, letter, Twilight Sparkle, muffins..." Ditzy muttered in her troubled sleep.

" That's right! Celestia must've sent you a letter!" Dinky retorted.

" If she did, why didn't she just send it to Spike like the rest?" Twilight asked confusedly.

Dinky was busy rummaging through her mother's Mail Mare bag, and when she emerged with the letter addressed to Twilight Sparkle it was CC'd to Ditzy Doo should Twilight not be available. Dinky handed the letter to Twilight, who grabbed it with the magic of her horn.

" This is incredible, a seventh element in case the first six are defeated. An end all be all element..." Twilight mused thoughtfully.

" Ditzy? Ditzy!" Pinkie Pie shouted into the sleeping Pegasus' ears.

" She must be tired, poor dear. We should get her to a bed." Rarity suggested.

Thus did the Heroes of Harmony welcome a new member to their group, the one that had singlehandedly defeated Discord. Distracted by Ditzy Doo's apparent lack of energy, the Heroes failed to notice Discord sneak away. Possibly to trouble Equestria again another day. Until then, there was much to celebrate. A formal ceremony was held in Canterlot, which Ditzy Doo was unable to attend. This was because it was later found out by the town nurse that she'd fallen into a coma during transport to bed. The Doctor, was heard to have said that she'd probably wake when Equestria needed her again. Her daughter Dinky, continued to go to school. She no longer smiled, or was the life of the party as she'd been last Winter Wrap up. She continued living with her comatose mother, despite talk by the towns ponies of fostering her in one of their homes. Whenever the topic was brought up, she politely refused the offers. Saying she had a feeling that her mother would wake up any day now. There was no outwards indication that Ditzy knew she was supposed to wake up. Her body ate the muffins and drank the water. But there was no sign of her actually waking up.

Reader's Note: This ending isn't really what I expected, but there are consequences of using so much power. This probably will spur me to work on an unexpected story Dinky's Quest.


End file.
